He will have to learn, I know,
that all men are not just,
all men are not true.
But teach him also that
for every scoundrel there is a hero;
that for every selfish Politician,
there is a dedicated leader…
Teach him for every enemy there is a friend,
Steer him away from envy,
if you can,
teach him the secret of…
It’s time to celebrate! This marks my 100th post! Yippy! I’ve been waiting to write this post for some time because I wanted to have something new and awe inspiring to say for this post. But alas, I’m at a loss for the “awe” right now.
Nothing new to report other than my health is going south even further than I already knew. While I sip my large vanilla iced coffee from McDonalds, I realize that I have to go on a diet. Shame on me! But saying no to McDonalds and fast food would be a huge improvement for me, but my major weakness. I have to…I have to…I have to!
Mother’s day was fun. My husband and I went with my family to Wisconsin Dells and had a great time. I spent most of the time gambling though. I’m addicted. I hear gambling can be a major problem for bipolar people…. If you judge me as a typical bipolar person, then yep it sure is! I love it! My major vice other than eating and not exercising. So now that I’m going to have to exercise and give up a lot of my beloved food, you can suck it before I give up the gambling too! 
“To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person that you are” –Anonymous. I love this quote because it really reminds me of …well, me.
“When I grow up, I’m going to be a …” is a phrase I said a lot as a little girl. I wanted to be Wonder Woman or Bat Girl, then a lawyer, a writer, a painter, a writer, a writer, a writer; but teaching never was something I aspired to do until I was forced to by my parents because of our new awareness of my bipolar disorder. (What kind of idiot would think teaching is a “stable” choice and a good choice as a career for me? The emotional roller coaster as a teacher I experienced slammed me into mode swings that were hard to conceal from everyone. Talk about pretending to be someone that you are not!)
I gave up my writing for nine years because I agreed with my parents that writing was a trigger for my mania and psychotic tendencies. But now, I don’t care if it is anymore. I want to write but I never knew what to write, so I started this blog in 2009 to help guide me. Now, I’m writing again and I’m taking a class right now that will hopefully help me finish at least one of my writing projects.
My next goal is to get published…once I finish writing a novel. HEHEHE 
Maybe I should leave that my all encompassing goal right now. I think the novel is coming along nicely though. One question for you…is it bad to write a novel closely based on your own life? It’s almost a memoir, but I fictionalized dialogue, names, and some scenes. Is that a good idea? PLEASE COMMENT. I’d like to know what you think.
Well, things sure don’t work out how you planned it all to happen. I was once very happy about how work seemed to be picking up, but then things fell through. 
Now I’m left wondering what will happen next. I haven’t been a praying person for a long time, but I’m actually praying now. I’m really worried.
I’m taking a writing course online and it is going really well. I love it! I’ve been writing a lot preparing for this novel. I’m literally devouring the lessons as soon as they’re posted. They can’t come fast enough for me. I think I’m going to annoy the professor and classmates pretty soon. LOL!
Well, I’m hanging in there when it comes to my moods. I think I’m pretty stable. I’m getting plenty of sleep and I’m not gloom and doom. My bipolar tendencies are pretty dormant right now. HEHEHE…I think my writing class would say otherwise though.
I joined a book club and we are reading an interesting and boring book. Weird, I didn’t think that was possible. I think it just depends on my mood when I open it up. I read some last night, but should have known I was too tired. I fell asleep after a few pages. I think my problem is is that I really prefer fiction to nonfiction.
I also joined a writers circle, but they never meet and its 45min from my house. I’m thinking of starting one of my own. What do you think? Is that a good idea?
I’m also really involved in the Lions club still. I think I’m putting too many things on my plate. Hmmm….
After reading this over, I’m wondering how stable I really am. Oops!
I’m so excited! I started a writing course online and now my novel is really flowing. I’ve been working on my novel whenever I have free time.
My husband and I are finally close again! Whoo hoo!
Ummm…not much to tell you though. I guess this is just a short update for now. I want to get to my book.
Best Wishes to All!
Duals
Well, I managed to hurt my back at work yesterday. So my sister came over to help me this weekend because my husband is out of town. He’s gone a lot lately for work Well, anyway. I don’t have much to talk about. I’m just in a lot of pain. I have seen a chiropractor for the last two days. It’s helping but not perfect yet.
Just now someone rang my doorbell and bolted. Kids. My sister didn’t hear it though. She was in the basement, so might not be able to. Or I’m hearing things…. hmmmm
my sister and I painted this evening. I posted my work of art. What do you think? It’s amazing what a person can create when bored.
I love this quote by Marilyn Monroe. It seems apt right now for me in my life. I hope better things will come now that some things in my life seem to be falling apart.
I’m worried about work again. I’m worried about my marriage. I’m worried about life in general for me. I keep letting things stay the same without instigating any change. I know that is not good to ignore the problems and not try to come up with any solutions.
I guess I’m taking life one oblivion at a time. If I’m oblivious to the problem, I don’t need a solution right? You know what…that’s totally false. I am not oblivious to the problems. I just choose not to deal with them.
I NEED to loose weight, but I don’t WANT to go through the pain. But the pain I go through daily because of my weight also needs to stop.
I ignore the problems that I feel in my marriage because I don’t want to hurt my husband. I want to feel again. I want to feel close to him again, but I don’t think he wants to be close to me. I feel him slipping away. Is it because he is no longer attracted to me? Am I not desirable anymore? That is another reason I must lose weight.
Then there is my work…always possibilities, but no clear path. Work is such a roller coaster that I try not to be reactionary, but with my dad still the boss, I have to follow, not lead. Being proactive with my dad is a waste of time. Even reactionary can be a waste. I just can only wait and then follow; however, my dad then bitches that he can’t rely on anyone but himself to run the company. PAIN!!!
I’m even this way with my bipolar disorder. I use to be more proactive. I use to keep a mood chart and see a therapist every week. Now I stuff my bipolar disorder under the rug and act like… “I’m fine. There is nothing wrong with me. If I ignore it, maybe it will go away.” The greatest lengths I take towards my bipolar disorder is routinely taking my meds. At least I think I’m stable enough now, but when I go back to writing, will that change?
I need to write again, but I’m blanking. I hate writer’s block.
Well, in reference to Marilyn’s quote, I obviously have the falling apart thing down pat. Now, if only I can see the things that will fall together. But wait….Is things really falling apart for me right now or am I really just stuck in limbo until I actually do decide to make a change in my life? Damn. Where should I start?
