Personality Check

While spending my day at work waiting for the printer to spit out copies, I kept thinking about other qualities I have. My therapist also floored me when she said I had a Type “A” personality.

 What? I’ve always thought I was a type “B.” Did my last manic episode change me that much? I can’t be “A” because I let people boss me around and I’m messy because I loathe cleaning. How does that make me type “A”?

 Then I looked deeper into my “normal” lifestyle and looked up type “A” personality again to refresh my memory.

            1. I can’t stand not having something to do.

            2. I like to organize, which is why it takes me about 3 days to clean my house when I do. Hmm.

            3. I love working on projects.

            4. I work until I’m finished or at a good stopping point.

            5. It literally drives me crazy not know what time it is.

            6. I like to schedule out my day to prevent being bored.

            7. Can’t stand watching TV without crocheting or tired enough to nap.

            8. I’m impatient. I detest waiting for some things.

            9. “Short fuse”…um okay. That’s totally me and it is worse without my lithium.

            10. “Overly sensitive”…wait. That’s type “A”? I thought I was that way because of being bipolar.

 Hmmm. You learn something new every day. So, where does my personality stop, and where does my mania begin?

 Now that is a nightly question for me when I fill out my mood chart. Because of my personality, I can mask mania easily until it becomes so severe I am already at the point of psychosis. Sometimes, I’m able to feel the build up because of my strong intuition, but I didn’t follow through with my mood chart for a whole year before my last break. Now, I stave off mania and depression by paying close attention to my moods and personality.

 Anyone with a mood disorder should fill out some sort of mood chart. It may save your life.

3 thoughts on “Personality Check

  1. journey2balance November 12, 2009 / 7:39 AM

    Ah yes! Personality… mood…
    love this question… priceless! (and I don’t even have that answer for myself)

    “You learn something new every day. So, where does my personality stop, and where does my mania begin?”

  2. Beth May 24, 2010 / 11:48 AM

    I understand exactly how you feel. I have always felt so different from other’s. I never knew that other people with bp feel very out of control when they don’t have a planned out day. I feel so alone at times too. I knoe that bp has affected every relationship in a negative way. I lost the love of my life when he found out that I was hospitalized. He actually left me when I needed him the most. I have lost almpost every job, relationship and educational opportunity as well. I was diagnosed bp in 2000 at 35. I spent 5 years on Deprakote only and I gained about 70lbs and was sleeping 15 hours a day! It was not until I was hospitalized that they realized i needed another mood staibilizer…andan antipsychiotic like Seroguel. That was 4 years ago. I have some periods of mania since but it has been much better over-all. I lost 55 lbs, has a long period of emplyment, was in a loving relationship and thought that this was all behind me. I just lost my job 2 months ago and I’m slipping into depression and hypo-mania even while I’m on both meds in the same dosages.

    Thank you for writing and helping me know that I’m not the only one feeling this way. I have accepted that I have this but I am so sad and frustrated that I have been so affected and still suffer and cause suffering by having manic epsodes with my family. I also am very leary about sharing this information with anyone. It has always come back to haunt me.

    I know though that later in the week I will be back to being up and happy with my life. I am praying I get another job soon. I am a single mother with a mortgage to pay. These kind of stressors really bring out the worst in me.

    I’m hoping we can connect again and good luck.


    • mydualities May 24, 2010 / 8:12 PM

      Thank you. Being bipolar is hard and it is a constant stressor. (Like we need more stress!) I’m sorry to hear about your job. Your moods must be raging! Hang in there and keep your chin up.

      I would really like to keep connected.

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