I try telling myself this when I decide to do something, but like always it fails to get through my thick skull to keep going until I finish. Sometimes, I do attempt it but when it doesn’t come out just right, I quit. I’ve declared before on this blog that I’m a perfectionist, so this isn’t new to some of you. Those of you who do read this blog regularly probably realize that my blog isn’t as frequented by me mainly because of my fear of failure.
I put my writing on such a high pedestal that I tend to stop writing for fear someone will think ill of me or my writing or worse yet…think nothing at all about what I’m writing. No reaction is the worst reaction. That is why this blog suffers when no one comments; I don’t bother with it because I feel like a failure. I also have never published any of my poems, short stories or novels because of this same fear of no reaction or no one reading it.
My therapist pointed this out to me again today. My depression is bothering her and she thinks exercise might help defer it. She warned me to start small because I’m the type to try and do something extreme like join a gym and plan to go everyday but never go back after one day.
Oh wait…I did do that. 🙂
She said my personality was the type that if I couldn’t go and run a marathon, I might as well not even exercise. AMAZING! So very, very true. No wonder I am so overweight. I feel like doing even the smallest thing won’t make a difference anymore.
Why do I think this way? It’s not just about my weight. My whole being has to do it perfectly, or don’t even bother to try.
So how do you fix being a perfectionist at heart? What would you do in my situation?