I’m Totally Stressed Out!

Lately, I’ve been doing pretty well with my moods, I think. I honestly haven’t been paying close attention like I was after my last manic episode. As I step back now, I can tell by my writing and my activity even on here that I was still manic till about October. Of course at the time, I didn’t think that. I thought I was “normal”, but …I was doing so many projects at once. I still had a mission to change the world. Now, I’m lucky to find the time to think about my bipolar disorder when I take my meds at night. I don’t do my mood chart anymore. I think I’ll start doing that again because I need to focus; especially, since my therapist has been on a leave of absence for the last two months.

The great stresses that sent me in the hospital with a psychotic episode in August are back.

  • Work again looks bad at this point for this year. However, last year it really did pick up after my time in the hospital.
  • A certain coworker/relative irritated me all the time, no matter if he is at work or at home. Usually, it is because he is at home instead of working that drives me crazy. However, when he is at work, he thinks he should be my boss because I’m “beneath” him. Total BS!
  • My boss’s health is sometimes questionable.
  • I was writing a memoir about my life and my psychotic episodes.
  • My husband’s health was also not perfect.
  • My husband and I wanted to have a baby, so I went off my meds which allowed me to keep my bipolar disorder in check because I did not take time to step back to examine me.

Not to mention, I now have additional stresses to worry about for this coming year.

  • My husband and I will be very active in the Lions Club this year and will be going to Australia in June.
  • I’m trying to write a novel.
  • There is a divorce going on in my family, maybe another later.
  • Now that certain coworker/relative is in love and wants to marry a woman he met in the Philippines just a few weeks ago.
  • And I’m thinking of going off my meds right now to have a baby. What the hell am I thinking?

I know what I’m thinking. My husband and I want a baby, a child in our lives at some point. We know that with our ten years age difference, I’ll be 30 and he’ll be 40, we really need to start trying now, but how long will the trying last? After last time, we tried for six months and nothing happened because we had other circumstances that just made it impossible to conceive and then I went into the hospital. I returned to birth control, lithium, abilify, and seroquel.  We will have to make major changes in our lives if I am to go off my medicine again.

Problem is: I don’t know how to do that. What should I do?


9 thoughts on “I’m Totally Stressed Out!

  1. graciestjohn April 26, 2010 / 11:04 AM

    Hey Darlin’,
    As a single mom of three teenage kids with Bipolar I think I can safely stick my nose out there and say if you’re set to be psychotic then don’t have a kid. At least not till you’re stable. You think you get bad now, just add those pregnant hormones to the mix and see what happens. What does your med. provider have to say about the whole thing? Are you seeing a therapist? Both are good ideas if you aren’t. And not a regular MD. Get a specialist.

    I’m not saying not to have a baby. I am saying your health has to come first. You can’t be a great mom if you can’t be a great you.

    OK, you can holler at me now.


    • mydualities April 26, 2010 / 7:43 PM

      I have taken all this into concideration and I agree with you. I have to make sure I’m in a good, stable, and loving situation before I have children. I do see a therapist regularly, well I did she’s on leave right now. I also have a psychiatrist that I see regularly. I’m sure if I asked both of them if now was a good time, they would bust my hide. 🙂 Thanks for the advice. I needed to be reminded that my hormones during pregnancy are also going to be a major contributing factor. I intend to quit my job when and if I do decide to start the process of conception.

  2. Weptteardrari May 16, 2010 / 5:51 AM

    Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
    I’ve been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!

    Thumbs up, and keep it going!

    Christian, iwspo.net

  3. Mindy Rudin December 11, 2010 / 10:47 PM

    There are times that i dont read more than two lines but i think you have a unique blog. Cheers !

    • mydualities December 11, 2010 / 11:00 PM

      Thank you!! I don’t mind. If I don’t grab you in the first two lines, why bother reading it anyway. 🙂 LOL thanks for being so honest.
      Best wishes!!

  4. Kemberly Ledin December 12, 2010 / 3:03 AM

    Most of the times i visit a blog i get disappointed.On the other hand,I could honestly say that you writting is decent and your website solid.

    • mydualities December 12, 2010 / 10:05 AM

      Thank you so much! I hope you continue to read my blog when you get the chance. Thanks for the comment. 🙂

  5. Marline Bilotti December 12, 2010 / 3:11 PM

    I usually get bored easily and close the tab but i honestly enjoyed what i read. Cheers !

    • mydualities December 12, 2010 / 5:16 PM

      Thank you!! I’m glad you enjoyed it. Please visit and comment anytime.

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