Not much to say…typical bipolar stuff


Hello everyone!

Sorry it has been a while since I’ve written. I guess I’m a little disheartened that no one ever comments on here anymore. I’ve also been depressed, really depressed. I think its lifting a little from where I was. I could at least do things today like clean the dishes and the cat litter, nothing too drastic, but it is better than it has been. I’ve felt so lost lately and alone even though my husband may be inches away from me. The hollowness, the detachment, the lack of interest in things, the close calls to falling asleep while driving, and the feeling of despair finally awakened me to the realization that I am depressed. Everyone around me saw it, but I just thought I was “sad.” I’ve never been as bad as my sister with depression so I never think I’m depressed when I am.

Today I do feel different than yesterday even. I hope I’m moving up in my cycle now, but I have to watch whether the depression ends up spiking into mania. Maybe I can have mania without becoming psychotic. . . probably better just to hope for stability.

Thanks for reading,

Dual

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6 thoughts on “Not much to say…typical bipolar stuff

  1. stephanierussell November 19, 2010 / 8:29 AM

    Duel

    I completely understand how you feel and where you are coming from. I think you SHOULD tell the whole story. I have read from other authors, Terri Cheney being one, that telling your whole story is freeing and it helps. I wouldn’t know that for sure yet, as I have never told the complete story of myself, but I guess I plan to piece by piece. Its hard to do that, very hard. We are too afraid of what people may think or say. But, I have moved into this phase now where I really could care less what ANYBODY thinks or says about me anymore. I am desperate to feel free, so whatever it takes to get there… I am boarding that train. Judgemental people can say whatever they want, it will not bother me in the least anymore. Besides, the true people, the ones who do truly love you, will remain by your side no matter which way your story unfolds. And those are the only people you need. 🙂

    I really am impressed with your site btw- I just started mine and compared to yours its rather depressing looking, but I’m slowly learning how to work on the thing. 🙂

    • mydualities November 19, 2010 / 11:39 AM

      Your site is great. It is better organized than mine. I need to fix that, but I don’t really know how with wordpress. Thank you for your encouragements. I think one day I will let people know about my story and more about me in general, but I think I’ll save that all for later. I’m writing a novel that is heavily based on my life and maybe after I publish it, I’ll let the real world know exactly who I am. I’m just not ready yet.

      • stephanierussell November 19, 2010 / 12:31 PM

        I would love to write a book. I like writing and have always been told I should be a writer. But like most bp people, the disease somehow creeps up and whispers in your ear that you can’t do anything. And so, to this day, I have listened to it. lol. So, by saying you will let the real world know who you are…does that mean that you are possibly somewhat hiding your true identity? hmmmm??? 🙂

  2. mydualities November 19, 2010 / 11:26 PM

    hiding my true identity… well, the only thing I try to hide is my real name, I think. I do sensor some of the things I say. I tell myself that I’m an open book, but sometimes I wonder how open I am on this site. So, if there is something you would like to know. Ask away. I’ll make the topic my next blog. 🙂

    • stephanierussell November 20, 2010 / 10:32 AM

      Hmmmmm…… Maybe I am too open on here? I don’t know? I haven’t hid a thing really, not even my name. Oh well, I guess it doesn’t really matter to me. I look at it like this – I am who I am, I have what I have, and there is nothing I can do to change that fact. So if someone doesn’t like it, they ain’t got to read it right? lol 🙂 Maybe you could blog about that? Is it harmful or theraputic to be open about yourself on your blogs? How open is too open? Hmmm…. its definately a good topic to ponder. 🙂

      • mydualities November 20, 2010 / 2:10 PM

        Sounds like a good topic. I’ll tackle writing that today. I’d answer you more, but you’ll have to wait for the blog. 🙂
        Thank you so much for reading my blogs. I was getting discouraged about writing because no one was commenting.

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