This Bipolar Time of Year

My twin sister and I went to the 10pm opening of Toys R Us to do some Christmas shopping. We saw the LONG line and turned around and went home. I was like, “I may be crazy at times, but I’m not that crazy! Well, not today anyway.” So, ’tis the season for me to watch out for the bipolar ups and downs I usually experience during the holidays.

The ups of the holidays usually start with my excitment to buy Christmas presents. I love shopping! Especially for other people.  I just love the feeling you get when you see people opening their presents. I spend and spend to the point that I really have to juggle my money near the end. I am so bad with money. I also get excited (panicked) about cleaning for the family coming over for Thanksgiving or Christmas, but I don’t have to worry about that this year. phewww! I love decorating the house, but haven’t started doing that yet this year.  Oh, and I LOVE the anticipation of seeing what I get for Christmas. I usually can’t wait and I’m like a little girl who jumps out of bed early in the morning on Christmas day always asking “Can we open our presents now? Please. Please. Please.” The overwhelming feeling of happiness is so heartwarming.

However, with the highs, there comes the lows. The cold weather and the early nights do not help keep my spirits up. I find snow peaceful up until it gets dirty and trambled on. I hate it when I run into rude uncaring people in the stores. The reminder of church can sometimes bring tears to my eyes. I also remember the family that is no longer with us. I tend to dwell on the negative parts of my past more. I hate the reminder that it is another year of me not achieving any major goals. And then there’s the disappointment of getting what I asked for and not something spectacular or not getting what I really wanted but a whole lot of what I didn’t want.

Well, anyway. The point is that this season my moods jump from high to low so easily that I could be laughing my ass off one second then crying in the corner the next. I LOVE this time of year, but I can HATE it too. I have to be careful and watch my moods.

So, what are some other ups and downs out there that I may need to prepare for during this holiday season?



2 thoughts on “This Bipolar Time of Year

  1. Stephanie November 27, 2010 / 1:08 PM

    Great points Duals! I, too, am like you with the holidays and winter in general. I find that I struggle a whole lot worse with depression from late fall thru winter months. I like the snow too until its ugly, but then again, I never get to see hardly any snow here. I like to shop unless I am depressed, then I don’t like to do anything. I am SHOCKED you went out – was that black friday? lol! You must be one of those I wrote about friday, that good luck to those bp’s that are on enough medication to even brave the crowds lol! I wouldn’t dare attempt it – thats a manic waiting to happen for me! lol Good post!

    • mydualities November 27, 2010 / 1:22 PM

      Yeah, I tried to go out, but we turned right back around and went home when we saw the crowd. I swore off shopping for a few days after seeing that line. CRAZY!!! I’m pretty stable right now, but I knew trying to shop would send me hurtling into mania.
      Thanks for the compliments. 🙂

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