I Need to Stop with the “Because I’m Bipolar” Crap!


For some reason I have an awful song stuck in my head right now…”Whatever you do, don’t put the blame on you, Blame it on the rain yay, yay…” I think it’s appropriate for what I’m about to say, because I think the awful song is a crock of bull! Not accepting responsibility for your own actions is one of the many problems with this world today. Thank you everyone that has been trying to tell me this lately, I just didn’t want to hear it.

Okay! I get it. I can no longer hide behind my comfy little corner and pretend like everything is perfect when it is not. I am a mess and I can’t blame being bipolar as the reason for my messy life anymore. Damn! It was so easy to say that my meds make me fat, I’m not a teacher because I’m bipolar, I have no worth to another employer other than my father because I’m bipolar, I can’t speak out and be someone because I’m bipolar, I can’t write and publish because I’m bipolar, I can’t be a mother because I’m bipolar….and on and on. What a crock of shit!!! I can’t blame being bipolar as the reason I lead a shitty life right now–“right now”, scratch that. I’ve never let myself live my life since I was diagnosed in 1999! Heck, maybe even before that! I have ALWAYS left decisions up to everyone else. I just go with the flow. Well, Not Any More!!!! 

But crap! What do I do? I can say these things, but will I do these things?

Okay. I have to for my sake! Me! I have to remember that I am important too. Okay. I need to make this manageable and to set limitations. I can’t make myself manic over recreating my life. So, PLEASE help and advise me with this list. It’s a sketch right now so I need help, but I will make the final decision because this is my life I’m talking about! None of this is in a particular order right now.

GOALS:

  • Exercise until I can’t go on or until half an hour is up a day. Then add to it as I go.
  • Lesson my meal portions and avoid pop, sweets, and minimize carbs.
  • Eat more fruits and vegitables.
  • Drink a lot of water.
  • Spend at least an hour a day writing my novel, but do not let it become an obsession.
  • Take my meds every day and follow-up with my psychiatirst and therapist.
  • Fill out my daily journal and mood chart.
  • Find a job I will enjoy that is NOT working for my parents again. (This one is going to be tough.)
  • Find friends that share common interests. (Um, how do you do that?)

I’m sure I’m missing something important. Any ideas? Please comment and let me know what they might be.

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6 thoughts on “I Need to Stop with the “Because I’m Bipolar” Crap!

  1. stephanie December 1, 2010 / 6:12 PM

    Duals-

    How did u do today with your great big plan? 🙂 you really went off in this post girlie lol! And ummmmmm hello?? What’s up with the last line?? How do u find friends with common interests…. Your doing it right now 🙂 unless of course you are talking about face to face friends, then I get that. 😦 I’m in that boat too. 😦 well, let me know how you did. I can talk via my blackberry until tomorw once I get there then I won’t get to keep my cell 😦

    • mydualities December 1, 2010 / 8:48 PM

      Hi Stephane,
      Yeah, I finally decided I needed to break out. I started execising last night and today. I only managed 10 minutes, but it’s better than nothing. I’m watchin what I eat too. Sorry! I meant face to face friends. Of course you are my friend too! 🙂 I’ve been too absorbed in my family that I don’t have a “girls night out.” Take care of yourself! Have some fun too. The place that you are going to looks nice. 🙂
      Duals

  2. Heather Whistler December 2, 2010 / 9:54 PM

    Awesome goals! But don’t forget that it’s okay not to tackle them all at once. Sometimes when I try to make so many changes all at once, I end up getting overwhelmed and give up on all of them. I have to remember that it’s okay to start small and add things in as I go along.

    What’s your novel about, by the way?

    • mydualities December 2, 2010 / 10:25 PM

      Heather,
      I agree about the fact that I shouldn’t do all of these goals all at once. I’d go manic in a heart beat. For the past three days, I’ve been exercising on a recumbent bike for as long as I can until exhaustion or an asthma attack starts to build. 😦 I’m so out of shape, but I’m proud that I made it to 14 minutes today without an attack. I try to eat better, but not totally going ridiculous with that. I can’t give up the foods I love just yet, but I’m eating less than what I normally would eat. I applied for a job yesterday, but doubt I’ll get a call back. Umm, I carry my notebook around with me all the time, but haven’t written anything this week. 😦 The creativity is just not flowing. I think it is because I’d rather write on here right now.

      As for my novel…it’s about three sisters. It’s fiction and it’s based on their trials and tribulations in their life. I’ll let you know more when I publish it. 🙂

      Thanks for your interest!

      Duals

  3. narnia December 10, 2010 / 3:59 PM

    wooohoo nice post!

    • mydualities December 10, 2010 / 4:05 PM

      Thanks for the comment! How are you?
      Duals

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