Well, it’s 2:30 am and I’m up again. I went to sleep at 10:30 pm, but something woke me up about an hour ago. Now I can’t get back to sleep. 😦 I decided to use my computer hoping I don’t wake my husband up with this light at least. I hate waking him up in the middle of the night. I always feel so guilty. So, now what do I do?
I recently started reading Kay Redfield Jamison’s book Night Falls Fast but the topic of suicide right now just doesn’t enthrall me. Don’t get me wrong, I love Jamison. She is a beautiful writer. I only wish I was half as poetic with my words as she is. It is like she analyzes each sentence to pick out the very best word to describe how she is feeling or to make the most dramatic impact. I wouldn’t be surprised if she is rated one of the best writers of our time 50 years from now. She really is a “creative genius.”
Hey steph, (http://mybipolarlife.com) I think Jamison is the writer I most would like to write to, just like you wrote to Terri Cheney. I guess I don’t because, well, I’m sure she is too busy to talk to someone like me. 😦 I don’t want the disappointment of no acknowledgement.
Anyway, enough with the sob little old me…well I guess I still can’t stop. I’m thinking of my book right now. I’m trapped in a chapter where I have to devolop a character who is very depressed right now. I’m scared to. I’m afraid I’ll literally fall into a depression if I do. Hence, the reason I was trying to read Jamison’s book on suicide to fall into character, but I’m also afraid the book would influence me to the point where the depression in my book isn’t authentic to me. I stopped reading after the first chapter, but I’m stuck. I probably just told you too much about the novel I’m writing…but on second thought, if you didn’t know already that depression, mania, psychosis…bipolar disorder…wasn’t a main theme in it, then you really haven’t been reading this blog. 🙂 It’s not a memoir. I wanted to do something a little different…well, try it anyway. Knowing me, I’ll never finish it, but I’m a third of the way done with the rough draft.
Hey, to the writers out there…how hard is it to publish? What should the manuscript look like (margins, heading…) I read Janet Evanovich’s “How I Write,” should I go with her suggestions? I’ve read about 5 books on publishing and they all say different things. UGH!! It pisses me off to no end. At least I have time to write right now, but I am going stir crazy because I feel so lonely when I’m not chatting with people on the computer. I feel like my husband’s company isn’t cutting it right now. Probably because all he wants to do is play video games when he’s not at work. 😦
Another think that is on my mind is the success of this blog. I’ve been writing here for a year now, but I barely feel accepted in the bipolar community. I know you accept me Stephanie, but not many people comment and I barely get over twenty hits a day. So, what am I doing wrong? Should I learn to develop my own website? If I do, it will take away from the time I need for writing my novel because I don’t know crap about code and writing a website. I know when I publish I will do just that, but now…I’m I being rediculous? I feel like I am. I suck. Maybe I should start writing that chapter, I think I’m falling into depression again the more I think about my blog and how much I suck.
Oh, Stephanie also brought up a good point. I might be isolating this blog away from those of you that are not bipolar. I hope not!!! I want you to comment. Tell me what you think about bipolar people and the questions you may have about me. I can only give you my opinion and my experience, but I welcome you to read and comment. This blog is NOT just for bipolar people. 🙂