Friday, December 17th, at 4pm
This has been a nightmarish week for us!
My aunt, my mom, my younger sister, and I arrived late Monday night to take care of the arrangements for my grandmother’s burial and to say our final goodbyes. What we didn’t expect, even though we should have, was the fact that there was no planning done ahead of time. Even with grandmother’s assurance that we probably wouldn’t even have to come to Florida once she passed away, we were in for a rude wake up call Tuesday morning.
The assisted living community, the funeral home, and the bank all needed my aunt and my mother present. Of course, I was the only one who could drive the rental car. 😦 Plus we had to clean out our grandmother’s entire apartment by the time we left mainly because we didn’t want to have to make another trip before Jan. 11th.
So, the four of us worked nonstop Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday stuffing 30 bags with clothes and shoes to donate to various charities. Arrange for the furniture to go to Salvation Army. Other objects we donated to a couple who works with a flee market. Plus, went through about 50 pounds of cosmetic jewelry to also donate what we didn’t want to take back with us. I learned that I seriously need to be less of a pack rat than my grandmother and to clean out my pockets! We had to check every pocket for change, cough drops, and kleenex. It took forever! Plus, we had to arrange a memorial service and burial arrangements. I even had to speak in front of 27 people about my grandmother because they wanted to hear from a grandchild’s perspective about her. (I was shocked that I wasn’t nervous. I was just bawling my eyes out.)
I also was able to spend a lot more time with my aunt. I shared a room with her. I couldn’t sleep very well because she couldn’t sleep well at all either. She kept getting up to go to the bathroom, she talked in her sleep, plus she would wake up at 6am even when we wouldn’t go to sleep until 1am! I was lucky to get 2-3 hours of straight sleep a night.
So, instead of mourning the death of my grandmother, I’ve been on one hell of an emotional roller coaster! I’m shocked I haven’t gone manic! Thank you psych meds! But if I don’t get a good night’s sleep soon, I sure will be.
Right now I’m physically and emotionally exhausted. I’m irritable and I can’t wait to get away from my aunt. She really upset me when she started telling me that bipolar disorder is just some “quack’s” opinion. Oh really?! She backed that up with the fact that you can’t take a test to positively tell you you are or not. I told her there was a list of criteria, but she said that was still opinion.
Ugh! I was totally pissed! I told her they found proof in our DNA and a test is on the way…(Note: I’m not sure about the test, but I have seen proof about the DNA. Look it up.) I then retaliated about it being very upsetting to me that people in our family do not understand bipolar disorder when bipolar disorder and mental illness is definitely in the family for generations. Heck. Two of my cousins are also definitely bipolar…which she doesn’t believe because they always lie…Ugh! She said that she does understand bipolar disorder, so she doesn’t need to read up about it. BULL SHIT!!! She also implied that I should not spend my time obsessing about it (bipolar disorder), but she can’t stop talking about religion and believing in forgiveness and God’s love. Talk about obsessive.
Ugh! I’m still stewing. I’m sitting on the plane right now and I can’t stop thinking about how pissed I am at my aunt. I know I’m being ridiculous, but her “Holier-than-Thou” attitude pisses me off. It really infuriates me that she doesn’t acknowledge bipolar disorder really being in the family gene pool, but she totally believes in the Bible as fact. Isn’t it really a matter of opinion how someone believes? I’m sorry but to me you can believe, but it is not a fundamental truth either. Don’t miss understand me. I believe in God, but I know there is no proof like a clear “test” in whether the Bible that we read today is actually exactly how God intended it to be thousands of years ago.
I’m just pissed off and yes this is all my opinion! I don’t mean to offend anyone here. I’m just writing and writing because I have nothing else to do on this plane. I can’t sleep, so if I bored you with this post, I’m sorry but you’re still reading if you’ve gotten to this point so I guess that’s good.
Saturday, Dec. 18th, 9am
I’m home now and typing all this out for you. After a good night’s sleep, I feel better, but I’m still simmering about it. I guess I just shouldn’t care. My aunt can believe what she wants to believe, but I guess it just hurts. I recall now that everyone that is “crazy” is bipolar in her eyes now. I don’t think I helped the situation. I probably made it worse. Ugh!!!
So what do you think? Is bipolar just some “quack’s” opinion?