Change Can Be Scary!

Well, I’m doing something I told myself I wouldn’t do again…I’m working for my parents again.  DAMN!!!

I couldn’t find another job and when my dad ordered me to show up next week during our family gathering on Christmas day, I couldn’t say no. I had no excuse! I couldn’t say “No, I don’t want to.” Besides, I can’t help wanting to help the company get better in some ways. However, me being here really doesn’t make much difference. I still have to do everything my Dad tells me to do even when I know his managerial skills suck and might hurt the bottom line rather than help it. You see, he’s a micromanager who has to control everything even when he’s not here. It really pisses me off.

Everyone tells me that working for family is an absolute no, no. Yeah. You tell that to my father. I’ve worked for him ever since I was 13 years old in one way or another. From being in the shop with the guys drilling sheet metal to being in the office designing literature for potential customers…oh, and I can build a control panel in less time than anyone else can do it. I’m literally the Jack of all trades here, so that is why I’m dragged back and that is why I can’t seem to say no. I know I’m needed.

Besides change can be very scary.

The only other job I’ve had was as a teacher for 3 years and that was HELL! I’ve got PTSD from working as a teacher! Can you F#*k’n believe that! It wasn’t the teaching that did it, it was the treatment I recieved from the administration. Holy hell! That is why I hate the question, “Do you think you would ever go back to teaching?”  HELL NO! My last year, I would always feel dread when I woke up in the morning because I would always wonder if it would be the day I would get fired. My second year was heaven, that is why when the new administration came in my third year, I knew things were not handled properly.

My therapist thinks that just starting a new job might not be good for me either. I don’t know what to do. I feel like the cowardly lion saying, “Trapped. Trapped like rats…”

What do I do? HELP ME PLEASE!


9 thoughts on “Change Can Be Scary!

  1. Stephanie December 29, 2010 / 1:05 PM

    Okay, first of all, does your family read your blog? I doubt it but just asking. Secondly, I think if you are going to do this job AND your family is aware of your bipolar, I would do this. Find the right time to sit your dad down and talk to him. Say dad, I want to help out and work for you, but I NEED you to understand something. I NEED you to trust my work and not be all up under me the whole time. Its not good for my bipolar and over all, its not good for the company as a whole. I need you to trust in me, my work, and believe in me if I am going to work for you. Please realize that I can and am willing to do the job well, but I can’t have the micromanaging going on. It stresses me out and I don’t need that. What do you say dad? Can we work together nicely and you trust in me to do a good job?? Otherwise, I think it would be best for my health if I didn’t mix family and business. I love you, but I have to consider my health first. If I am not healthy, then bottom line… I can’t work period no matter where that may be.

    What do you think Duals? Is it something you think you would feel like you could say to your dad?

    • mydualities December 29, 2010 / 2:47 PM

      I have tried saying that many times before. He doesn’t realize he is doing it most of the time. I also tried to get him to prioritize the lists of things to do that he gives me, but he never can do that and when I do it he gets angry that whatever I left for later isn’t done right now! But there are plenty of benefits too because I can get time off when I need to and I see my family often. I have a lot of freedom and I do get some credit for doing my job. My ideas are listened to and taken seriously. Not always taken though.

      Yes, my family doesn’t read this blog either. I told u before that my family doesn’t care about my writing.

      • Stephanie December 30, 2010 / 3:56 PM

        I thought you had told me that before, but didn’t want to “assume” just to be sure. 🙂 Well, hmmmm… I am stumped them as to what to tell you to do in this case, other than try it again? Maybe you could mention hey dad, I know I have mentioned this before but…. ? Idk? Thats a tricky one. But you are right, it does have its perks. I guess maybe you should write out the pros and cons and see what you get????

  2. Heather Whistler December 30, 2010 / 10:40 AM

    I hated teaching, too. I’m sorry you feel trapped, but I’d keep prioritizing your dad’s tasks, and if he gets mad, he gets mad. That’s his problem, not yours, and I’d tell him that. Don’t let him bully you just because he’s your dad. You don’t have to work there; you’re doing him a favor. If I were you, I’d always keep that top of mind.

    • Stephanie December 30, 2010 / 3:57 PM

      Good point Heather. 🙂

    • mydualities January 1, 2011 / 1:21 PM

      Thanks, Heather. You’re right that I need to see it as a favor to my family, but I honestly wonder if my dad sees it that way. I know he’s been in a better mood since I returned. That’s promising.

      • Stephanie January 3, 2011 / 2:57 PM

        How’s the job going?????

      • mydualities January 6, 2011 / 11:11 AM

        Sorry! I haven’t had time to blog or read others blogs this week. Work is that bad. Plus, my husband is back in the swing of things for the service organization he is in, so we’ve been busy with that too. I’ll try to find time to blog with an update soon, but I’m busy with work right now. 😦 Have to go. I hope all is well with you, Stephanie. 🙂 TTYL!

  3. Stephanie January 6, 2011 / 1:00 PM

    I’m sorry to hear that work is bad. 😦 Maybe things will slow down a bit and start getting better at work. Ugh… I won’t bother you with me right now lol…. 🙂 Take care and try not to let work stress get too bad for you… I look foward to your update. 🙂

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