Not to Try

Well, I have more time to write again. Lately, work has been really slow, so I spend my time trying to finish my novel. It’s coming along as a rough draft pretty well right now. I have my moments of creativity, but sometimes I’m just blocked. It helps to write because it distracts me from what I don’t want to think about: my dad’s health and the health of the company.

So, I’m trying to think of something else to talk about…. I’m feeling pretty lonely right now. My husband is on a business trip until Thursday, so I’m alone in this big house. 😦 I’m going to my sisters later today, so that should help.

I watched the academy awards last night and I was excited that Natalie Portman won best actress for Black Swan. If you haven’t seen that movie, it is awesome. I totally related to her hardships and Natalie did an amazing job of playing the part of becoming …well don’t want to ruin it for you. What did you think of the movie? I thought it was scarier than “The Rite” because I identified with it more I guess. I’d love to tell you more, but you really should go see it. Awesome!!

I haven’t seen my therapist in over a week. I miss her. The last session we had my husband came along to meet her. It was interesting to hear his interpretation on my relationship with my family. I guess my family is an unhealthy influence on me, but I don’t know how that’s going to change anything. My therapist wants me to discover myself… that sounds like too much work. I’d actually have to do something for me for a change. YUCK!!! LOL! JK!!

I never do things for myself. I don’t have an idea as to where to start. I need to find a new career, but how? My therapist thinks I should go into the field of psychology because it’s obviously one of my passions. She knows how much helping others cope with bipolar disorder is one of my goals in life, but I just can’t get my foot into any door. I don’t even know where to start. Of course, I’m using all this as an excuse not to try. I’m good at that too. Boy, am I.

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Lately…

Well, I keep trying to write a post, but lately every time I do I get interrupted so I pitch it and go on to whatever interrupted me. I’m still in a very reactive world and I don’t think I’ll ever get out of it, but I’m functioning quite well. I’m not manic, but I’m not suicidal. I guess I’m at the meloncholy stage where you know you have to clean your house, but you could give two shits about it at the moment. Basically though, I would call that my “normal” stage. I HATE cleaning. If I clean, I’m usually manic or hypomanic or cause myself to be that way. Anyone else feel that way about cleaning?

I got a ColorNook for Christmas and I LOVE IT!!! All I do is read or play texas hold’em on the computer…(I’m addicted to it). I need to stop, but I can’t get enough!

Last week another close relative passed away…#3 since October. However, I didn’t go to the funeral this time because of the weather and I think food poisoning but could be the flu, so it hasn’t really kicked in yet. I knew she was sick, so I was prepared for it. I guess I feel numb about it. When I was told about the funeral, I did ball my eyes out for a while which helped. I’m really going to miss her, my aunt.

Well, I’m at work, but we’re slow. 😦 So, I’m writing now, hoping not to be interrupted until I finish this. I hope everyone is doing well.

Chat with ya later!