To Lose or Not to Lose: There is No Question

Someone had just recently asked me how my weight loss and exercising plan was coming along. Well, folks…I failed. I have tried to cut my eating to no avail so my doctor just put me on an appetite suppressant after I asked her to. I burst into tears when I asked because of what happened to me when I was on Fen-Phen over twenty years ago. I also went to her for help with my ankles. They won’t let me walk for longer than five minutes and the more I walk the worse it gets. She put me on celebrex for the swelling and I have to wear ankle braces and tennis shoes every day. i did all this just before I went to Las Vegas last week.

However, I was stupid…so stupid. Limo arrives at 4 in the morning on Monday (twenty minutes early) and I completely forget my carry-on bag with all my meds, my tennis shoes, my nook, etc… at home.  An hour later, we realize it when we get the bags out of the trunk at the airport! I was also stupid to listen to my husband when he sad that I can’t go through security with the braces and tennis shoes on, so I wore my slip on shoes that have absolutely NO support! I’m in PAIN as I walk throughout O’Hare airport to get to our C gate and then back to B gate when it changes forty minutes to boarding. Great! Already such a great trip.

Let’s just say that walking on Monday left me in so much pain and plenty of tears when the charlie horses hit. We also spent two hours in Walgreens in Vegas waiting for my Abilify because I needed the 10mg tablets not the 5mg tablets which they were out of. Thank goodness my husband stayed with me because another person there at Walgreens reminded me the importance of staying on my medication. He was having full conversations with himself for a whole hour. I worried when he would get angry, but his other voice calmed him down easily. I wasn’t really worried about myself though from what he would do. I worried more about me doing something to try to help him and meddling where I don’t belong. What could I have done anyway?

After Walgreens, I bought some tennis shoes to wear for the week and some other things that I left at home too. Throughout the week, my ankles remained soar and stiff and still screaming in pain when I walked longer than 5 minutes. And in Vegas…that was so so so easy to do. I did have my braces (packed in my suitcase) but they only helped so much. Vegas helped me realize that I have reached that critical state where the pain of being so overweight is not helping my ankles any. My weight is not the root cause, but it is a very big contributing factor. I KNOW THIS! All I can do is bike or swim as a source of exercise though because i can’t walk long enough to reach the exercise level.

So, with that in mind…I just have to do it! Yep… I have no excuse because I have an exercise bike at home. It’s sitting in my living room…very accessible for me. I also have to help myself not eat too much which the pills do help when I did take them before Vegas. I couldn’t get a refill on them because of insurance since I just got them, so I can’t tell you if I’ve lost anything in the past week and a half. I probably didn’t.

Well, I just gave you the dirt on the bad aspect of my trip, but Vegas wasn’t all bad. I won $400 on Let it Ride by getting a full house. Oh, did I tell you I love to gamble? My husband and I went to Zumanity…that was awesome! I went to a comedy club and the comedians were very funny. I saw “Red Riding Hood” in the theaters…it was good, but it at least kept me from gambling for two hours. Um, that’s about it. Hmmm. That doesn’t sound that great after telling you about how much pain I was in!


4 thoughts on “To Lose or Not to Lose: There is No Question

  1. Gracie March 30, 2011 / 10:54 PM

    Hey, it’s been a while since I said hi. I want you to remember you’re not alone. My Bipolar is a freaking handful and I don’t know if you remember this but I’m a single mom of 3 teenagers. I too am overweight. My MD won’t prescribe stimulant type weight loss pills because of my fun manic state. A couple years ago I broke my left ankle and had to use my right leg for everything. As time passed my right knee lost all its cartilage. Yes, it’s painful. Yes, it slows me down. And yes, I refuse to give in. Just walking… I’ve lost 30 lbs in one year.. and kept it off.

    The idea is that I’ve felt so helpless for so long… and angry and ugly. I had a stationary bike but it made my butt hurt. Seriously. My kids thought that was a hoot. lol. So, I did what I could. I walked (and still do) on the highway. Not the best place to workout right? But there isn’t anyplace else here and so that’s what I do.

    I would like to point out something to you that I’m certain you’ve noticed: you have what it takes to do whatever you want. How do I know? For you and I doing something as simple as keeping up an intelligent and habitual blog is bleeding amazing. How many “normal” people do you know who can do that? And you put your true self out there. You have great inner strength. Don’t let go of that.

    I have given my kids permission (13, 16 and 19) to keep me on this track: sleep, exercise, proper food, meds and counseling weekly.

    I’m here if you need to talk. Hang on, the ride will only get more exciting.

    • mydualities March 31, 2011 / 11:28 AM

      Thank you for the encouragement. I remembered what you said about what you go through and it has given me strength to keep trying. Since my doctor’s visit, I have lost seven pounds. I weighed myself this morning. Not too bad. My sisters and I have also decided to try Weight Watchers. I’m leery about calorie counting or a point system, but I’ve known people that swear that it works and they look great. However, my husband won’t join me and my diet mimics his most of the time, so that will be hard. I will also have to learn how to cook for just me and cook something else for him at times. I’ll probably just tell him he’s on his own for dinner if he doesn’t want what I eat. He is a great cook, so he’ll be fine with it.

  2. Stephanie March 31, 2011 / 4:28 PM

    Darn duals, I hate you were in such pain! We went to Vegas this past August 2010 and I feel ya! We walked and walked and I was dying from it!! The heat was unreal! Over 100 sometimes. So hot and sweaty and my feet and legs were killing me from constantly walking too. So, I can understand where you are coming from girl! At least it wasn’t so hot for you, thats a good thing. 🙂 Other than the pain, sounds like you had a decent time!!! Thats good!!! We had many ups and downs…. so I won’t go there LMAO~ UGH.

    • mydualities April 1, 2011 / 6:00 AM

      Thanks Stephanie. It’s nice to know that someone else things Vegas can really kick your butt with all the walking you have to do. 🙂

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