Hanging In There

Cat hanging in there

Well, things sure don’t work out how you planned it all to happen. I was once very happy about how work seemed to be picking up, but then things fell through. 😦  Now I’m left wondering what will happen next. I haven’t been a praying person for a long time, but I’m actually praying now. I’m really worried.

I’m taking a writing course online and it is going really well. I love it! I’ve been writing a lot preparing for this novel. I’m literally devouring the lessons as soon as they’re posted. They can’t come fast enough for me. I think I’m going to annoy the professor and classmates pretty soon. LOL!

Well, I’m hanging in there when it comes to my moods. I think I’m pretty stable. I’m getting plenty of sleep and I’m not gloom and doom. My bipolar tendencies are pretty dormant right now. HEHEHE…I think my writing class would say otherwise though.

I joined a book club and we are reading an interesting and boring book. Weird, I didn’t think that was possible. I think it just depends on my mood when I open it up. I read some last night, but should have known I was too tired. I fell asleep after a few pages. I think my problem is is that I really prefer fiction to nonfiction.

I also joined a writers circle, but they never meet and its 45min from my house. I’m thinking of starting one of my own. What do you think? Is that a good idea?

I’m also really involved in the Lions club still. I think I’m putting too many things on my plate. Hmmm….

After reading this over, I’m wondering how stable I really am. Oops!

Short Update

I’m so excited! I started a writing course online and now my novel is really flowing. I’ve been working on my novel whenever I have free time.

My husband and I are finally close again! Whoo hoo!

Ummm…not much to tell you though. I guess this is just a short update for now. I want to get to my book.

Best Wishes to All!

Duals 🙂

Painting for Fun

imageWell, I managed to hurt my back at work yesterday. So my sister came over to help me this weekend because my husband is out of town. He’s gone a lot lately for work 😦  Well, anyway. I don’t have much to talk about. I’m just in a lot of pain. I have seen a chiropractor for the last two days. It’s helping but not perfect yet.

Just now someone rang my doorbell and bolted. Kids. My sister didn’t hear it though. She was in the basement, so might not be able to. Or I’m hearing things…. hmmmm

my sister and I painted this evening. I posted my work of art. What do you think? It’s amazing what a person can create when bored.

Stuck in Limbo?

Marilyn Monroe quoteI love this quote by Marilyn Monroe. It seems apt right now for me in my life. I hope better things will come now that some things in my life seem to be falling apart.

I’m worried about work again. I’m worried about my marriage. I’m worried about life in general for me. I keep letting things stay the same without instigating any change. I know that is not good to ignore the problems and not try to come up with any solutions.

I guess I’m taking life one oblivion at a time. If I’m oblivious to the problem, I don’t need a solution right? You know what…that’s totally false. I am not oblivious to the problems. I just choose not to deal with them.

I NEED to loose weight, but I don’t WANT to go through the pain. But the pain I go through daily because of my weight also needs to stop.

I ignore the problems that I feel in my marriage because I don’t want to hurt my husband. I want to feel again. I want to feel close to him again, but I don’t think he wants to be close to me. I feel him slipping away. Is it because he is no longer attracted to me? Am I not desirable anymore? That is another reason I must lose weight.

Then there is my work…always possibilities, but no clear path. Work is such a roller coaster that I try not to be reactionary, but with my dad still the boss, I have to follow, not lead. Being proactive with my dad is a waste of time. Even reactionary can be a waste. I just can only wait and then follow; however, my dad then bitches that he can’t rely on anyone but himself to run the company.  PAIN!!!

I’m even this way with my bipolar disorder. I use to be more proactive. I use to keep a mood chart and see a therapist every week. Now I stuff my bipolar disorder under the rug and act like… “I’m fine. There is nothing wrong with me. If I ignore it, maybe it will go away.” The greatest lengths I take towards my bipolar disorder is routinely taking my meds. At least I think I’m stable enough now, but when I go back to writing, will that change?

I need to write again, but I’m blanking. I hate writer’s block.

Well, in reference to Marilyn’s quote, I obviously have the falling apart thing down pat. Now, if only I can see the things that will fall together. But wait….Is things really falling apart for me right now or am I really just stuck in limbo until I actually do decide to make a change in my life? Damn. Where should I start?

 

Hopeless

hopeless-treeDistain drips off me as I think about my book. I hate myself. I can’t seem to write anything of substance anymore. I suck. I don’t know where I’m going with this book again. I know many of my key points I want to emphasize, but I just can’t figure out how exactly I want to portray them.

Have you ever had this problem? What do you do to get back into the swing of things?

I think another reason I stopped was that I was no longer suffering from a mixed episode. I feel torn or maybe I’m just falling. I don’t know. I just don’t feel the energy I once had for writing.

I’m also doubting my writing and feeling like what is the point again. I’ve started five books and I have never finished any of them. I hope I finish this one, but will I?

I don’t think anyone wants to hear what I have to say. It’s been said before, I’m sure. Besides, it’s not very enthralling. Yuck!

I watched a course on creative nonfiction that was great, but I’m trying to write fiction. One thing I did learn was that I need to avoid passive voice…I know, I’m certainly not doing a good job of that with my writing on this blog. LOL! I should try, but I don’t have the mentality to give two shits right now. I’m at work, but I’m obviously not at work right now. 🙂 Ask me if I care.

Duals

The Glories of Technology

I love this iPad. It has been a real lifesaver now that my laptop’s motherboard fried Monday. I am without a computer right now so I am so happy to have this.

Right now, I’m typing this post from a salon chair while i wait for my blond highlights to take. This is so awesome!

I have to give a speech Saturday so I’m trying to make myself look better. I hope I do a great job on my speech.

Sorry, this is just an update. I’ll be back. I promise.

duals