Stuck in Limbo?


Marilyn Monroe quoteI love this quote by Marilyn Monroe. It seems apt right now for me in my life. I hope better things will come now that some things in my life seem to be falling apart.

I’m worried about work again. I’m worried about my marriage. I’m worried about life in general for me. I keep letting things stay the same without instigating any change. I know that is not good to ignore the problems and not try to come up with any solutions.

I guess I’m taking life one oblivion at a time. If I’m oblivious to the problem, I don’t need a solution right? You know what…that’s totally false. I am not oblivious to the problems. I just choose not to deal with them.

I NEED to loose weight, but I don’t WANT to go through the pain. But the pain I go through daily because of my weight also needs to stop.

I ignore the problems that I feel in my marriage because I don’t want to hurt my husband. I want to feel again. I want to feel close to him again, but I don’t think he wants to be close to me. I feel him slipping away. Is it because he is no longer attracted to me? Am I not desirable anymore? That is another reason I must lose weight.

Then there is my work…always possibilities, but no clear path. Work is such a roller coaster that I try not to be reactionary, but with my dad still the boss, I have to follow, not lead. Being proactive with my dad is a waste of time. Even reactionary can be a waste. I just can only wait and then follow; however, my dad then bitches that he can’t rely on anyone but himself to run the company.  PAIN!!!

I’m even this way with my bipolar disorder. I use to be more proactive. I use to keep a mood chart and see a therapist every week. Now I stuff my bipolar disorder under the rug and act like… “I’m fine. There is nothing wrong with me. If I ignore it, maybe it will go away.” The greatest lengths I take towards my bipolar disorder is routinely taking my meds. At least I think I’m stable enough now, but when I go back to writing, will that change?

I need to write again, but I’m blanking. I hate writer’s block.

Well, in reference to Marilyn’s quote, I obviously have the falling apart thing down pat. Now, if only I can see the things that will fall together. But wait….Is things really falling apart for me right now or am I really just stuck in limbo until I actually do decide to make a change in my life? Damn. Where should I start?

 

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4 thoughts on “Stuck in Limbo?

  1. bpshielsy April 10, 2013 / 4:33 AM

    I can relate to this post. I like routine in my life, so if change is needed I find it hard to do. A lot of people struggle with change, so it may not be linked much with my bipolar, but I think it is.

    As for where to start? I’d pick just one for now, totally at random. But pick one that you can control. I’d go for fitness as that will help how you feel. Yeah there may be pain 🙂 but you know that good feeling afterwards will help. You know….when the pain recedes lol

    Take care

    • mydualities April 10, 2013 / 9:55 AM

      Thanks for the fitness advice! You’re right. Fitness is the best road to start following at this point because this road may clear up some of the other issues I face. I just have to find the will power to do it and make it part of my daily routine. I just don’t know where to put it yet.

  2. Sheri Weinberg April 18, 2013 / 6:46 AM

    I need to keep up to date, I read your older post before I read this one. I really understand about ignoring problems, I’m such an ostrich! And I definitely feel that struggling with change is related to my bipolar disorder. I think those of us with a mental illness learn how to cope with things in such a way that when they change, it’s difficult to learn new coping skills again. As for exercise and weight loss, I lost 50 pounds using Weight Watchers, but there’s also a free website called My Fitness Plan that’s pretty much the same. I park as far away from anything as possible, walk as fast as I can to get to where I want to go, and try to always use stairs instead of elevators. Since my back surgery, I’ve been literally walking in circles around the house, since that’s the only exercise I can get right now. Another important thing to do is to be patient and kind to yourself when it comes to weight loss. Treat yourself as you would treat someone else going through the same thing. If you slip up, don’t be too hard on yourself, just keep trying.

  3. mydualities April 18, 2013 / 11:57 AM

    Thank you Sheri! That is good advice.

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