Waiting for the End

cry_face_4056When something so important in your life is about to end, it really hurts. I’ve had a hard time dealing with the fact that my family business is definitely going to close its doors now. Seeing my parents completely shut down and my brother in a huge state of denial…sucks. But it also is having a large affect on me. I’m having nightmares and I am having a hard time keeping myself from falling into a depression or even a mixed episode. There is so much to do. Nothing really to do either.

One good thing about this is that it’s fueling my ability to write again. I’m well on my way to finishing my first draft of my first novel. I know it will take work still to perfect it, but I guess I have all the time in the world to work on it very shortly. I first have to spend my days cleaning and packing and sorting through what is in our work building. Yippy ­čśŽ more work that’s not work, but physically hard on me too.

I feel like my best friend is dying and there is nothing I can do but sit by his bed side until he draws his last breath. It hurts.


During the Storm

IMG_0623Well, I spent a few hours in my basement alone last night. There’s nothing like a tornado warning to scare the crap out of you. Don’t worry. I’m fine and no damage was done around me. I think the hype was worse than the bite around me. I hope everyone is doing okay. The tornadoes are very scary.

My worse thing was being alone. I hate it. My husband was on another business trip to Canada, so I and my cat spent hours in the basement. During that time, I distracted myself by painting. I’m going to try to post it let me know what you think. You can tell I was a little off kilter when I created it. It’s odd to say the least, but it was fun painting it.

What should I name this piece? Hmm…

Happy Anniversary!

Six years… Six years since I said “I do” to the love of my life. It feels like just yesterday and also like it must be longer than that. LOL! Our marriage is doing better again. We are more intimate again and we both see each other as our best friend in the world. When he is away for work, I miss him so much and am so happy when he returns.

Recently, I┬álistened to┬áthe book Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. OMG! I hated it. It turned me into this bitter, jaded, negative, man-hating bitch. I was awful to people. I’d listen to it on my way to work and blow up on people for no reason for the rest of the day. I developed a pissed off mood from the moment I stepped out of my car. I don’t want to spoil the book for you, but there are many surprises. I, as a writer, found many of the surprises bull shit and over the top. As a reader, I found many of them unbelievable and unfortunately compelling as the story went on. I have a definite love/hate relationship for this book only because Gillian Flynn wrote a book that impacted me so deeply that I have never been able to say I could HATE a book so much that it made it actually a GOOD book.

Does that make any sense? Read it and let me know what you thought about it. I read it for a book club I’m in and now I have to figure out what to say about this book. I wonder what the other ladies will say about it.

One thing that I did realize from this book is that I’m lucky to have my loving husband and that even though it has been only six years today we were married. I will cherish him till the day that “death do us part.”