Second Down

Clapping emoticonI finished the second draft of my novel! Whoo hoo! Now already working on my third draft. Hahaha. I’ll never be done, but a part of me loves working on it so I’m cool with that. However, I have two agents that I need to send my manuscript to that are waiting for it. How long should I make them wait? I want to have this novel perfect before I send it out. I’m at the Beta Reader stage, so I’m excited about that, but that takes time.

Tuesday night I present my first 20 pages to 20+ people in a large critique group of writers. Some published, some not but I’m so excited. I’m actually freaking out about it.¬† I’ve been critiquing my work none stop today, so I had to take a break to let all of you know how my novel is going.

Today, we are going to the movies to see the new X-Men movie. If you haven’t read it an earlier blog about the X-Men I wrote you wouldn’t know that I love the X-Men, but I do…I really do. ūüôā

Sunshine Award for My Dualities

Yabba-Dabba-Doo!I received a nomination for the Sunshine Award from Looking for the Light ( Thank you so much. I’m sorry it has taken me so long to do this.¬† You have inspired me to keep going on this blog after I thought no one was reading my posts anymore. I enjoy reading you blogs and believe your strength in healing from adversity to be empowering. Please check out her blog on domestic violence, child abuse, and bipolar disorder. Look for her light that shines through to the darkest places. Thank you!

Ten things about My Dualities:

1. I’m a twin.

2. I’m writing a novel about a college student who learns she is bipolar with psychotic tendencies.

3. I am cabinet secretary for a service organization.

4. I love to travel.

5. I love to read thrillers and Romance.

6. I taught high school English for only three years. That was enough.

7. I once believed I was God’s messenger and preceded to tell my oral communication’s class that right before our final.

8. I’m married.

9. I don’t have kids–wondering now if I want them or not because of the problems with being bipolar with psychotic tendencies.

10. My biggest fear is heights.

My Nominees

These are those that I follow that help guide me through my dark times along with Look for the Light’s blog. I am awarding them with the Sunshine Award also.

Rules for accepting the Sunshine Award:

1.  Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their Blog.

2.  Share ten things about yourself.

3.  Nominate others for the award.

4.  Announce the nomination to the nominees.

5. Link to graphic:


groggyOkay. I finally wised up and took 3mg of Melatonin last night. Um, I still managed to wake up at 1:30am but fell back asleep soon after. Then woke up this morning by my alarm and was like…”WTF! I can’t get up.” I was so groggy. I’m still feeling the affects two hours after I woke up.¬† Why the hell do I want to take that shit? I hate this lethargic feeling. I might as well be taking Seroquil…now that pill knocks you the fuck out.

Ugh! I want to wake up enough to work on my book, but my head is in a fog. I just want to crawl into a ball on the floor and sleep. I think I’ll take manic for 200, Alex. I hate this rundown feeling.

So, how are you doing today? If your reading this and have a blog to share, let me know about it. I’d love to read more blogs. Please comment about yourself and send me a link. Thanks!


Who’s Behind that Curtain?

Tongue out emoticonI’m a freakin’ idiot!

I can’t sleep all through the night and of course I don’t take Melatonin to help me sleep like my psychiatrist told me to. Ugh! It’s like I want to go manic or psychotic. Maybe I do. I miss that feeling of euphoria and the creativity that goes with it.

But I can’t afford to lose my mind right now. I need to keep control. I need to FINISH my novel. I need to work on getting it published. I need to achieve my dream!

I want to know that my dream to be a writer in high school really did come true. Even though I let road blocks be thrown in my way of that dream, I want to know that I eventually pushed them aside and realized it. I want to look on a shelf and see my name smiling back at me.

I was thinking about using a pen name, but I realized that I don’t want to do that. I want people to know that I wrote that. I don’t care that it might lead people to meddle into my personal life. I want to be an open book. I want to announce of this blog even that…guess what…I have been writing on here for almost five years.

I write blog after blog with little interaction from people. I crave the notoriety. But not many of my posts are read. I am gaining followers slowly and I thank you all for that. I just wish you’d say hi and tell me a little bit about yourself and what attracted you to my blog. How can I make my blog more appealing? Should I identify who I really am? I don’t remember my reasoning for hiding it anymore. I really don’t.

I feel like I could do so much more by revealing who I am. I feel like people that know me will see that being bipolar isn’t as bad as people portray it to be sometimes. I believe I am a good example of someone that has a mental illness, but does not let it control her life. I find it funny when I tell people I’m bipolar and they say…wow, you don’t act bipolar.

Yes. Yes I do. Pay attention next time.


Are You Ready to Rumble?

depressed girlYesterday, I worked on my book. I love writing. I can’t wait to clean up the one I’m working on now and move on to my next project.

[Sigh] That is how I know I’m dangerously close to mania. Maybe even psychotic…soon. I just received my blood workup for my psychiatrist. My vitamin D is very low, my lithium level is low, my WBC is high and my red blood cells are low and I’m anemic. That sounds about right. I should be spiraling into depression, but when I feel like crap…that is when my mania comes out.

But I do feel like crap. Maybe I’ll become suicidal…I doubt that though. I’m too excited about my book.

I haven’t been sleeping well. I was told to start taking Melatonin for that. Does anyone like/hate taking that?

Anyway, I wake up at 4am and want to write, so I stay up for an hour then go back to sleep. Is that bad?

I feel confused and exhausted…but excited and happy. Boy…I’m the definition of Bipolar. LOL

Maybe my depression symptoms are fighting my manic symptoms so that is why I’m still considered stable to those around me?

Man, I need more sleep!