Can’t I Tell Everyone to Eff Off?

Cat-First-Saw-Snow5Winter is coming and with that my parents (also my bosses) are going down to Florida. I will have the whole company to run on my own again. I have mixed feelings about that. I live an hour away, so I’ll have to get up at 6:15 every morning to get to work by 8. We live in Northern Illinois, so I will have to travel in cold and snowy weather to and from work everyday. No more days off.  😦

I will also have to connect my cell phone to the work phone so if the weather is too bad for me to get to work, I will have some way of answering.  This is actually the awesome part because I no longer have to worry about missing a call when I do call forwarding. Whoohoo!

But work isn’t my only problem, my younger sister is in Florida too. No big deal…right. WRONG! My little sister is the one that is always the designated babysitter for my nephew (also her nephew). So while she’s gone, guess who gets to watch him? Yeah, ME!

So I have to work until 4:30pm then pick up the nephew by 5:15pm, but I might have to go to UPS after work and that place is about half an hour to get to nephew’s school because of traffic. Thank God for call forwarding because that is the only way I’m going to survive this, because I see leaving early in my future. I have to watch nephew Monday, Tues, Wed, & Thursday of next week.  Um…NO! Thursday is my writer’s group. Sorry that takes presidency. So twin sister will have to find another sitter Thursdays.

Oh and then twin sister doesn’t get home until 7pm. I’ll then leave, drive an hour, to come home to spend maybe 2 hours with my husband before he goes to bed. But he’ll probably be playing video games anyway. That’s if I do come home that night. My sister sometimes feels uncomfortable when alone, so I might be staying with her. Then back to work by 8 to do this all over again.

So…If you have been reading my posts you know now that National Novel Writing Month is totally NOT in my future. There is no way I’m going to find the time to write 50,000 words by Nov. 30. GRRR!!! Why can’t I lock myself in my office and tell everyone to F*#k Off!

Get Ready…Get Set…Write! Wait I’m Not Ready Yet!

writerNaNoWriMO is coming! (National Novel Writing Month) November is the month where writers hide from the “real” world as much as possible and spend their time writing a first draft from beginning to end. They have 30 days to write 50,000+ words.

I heard about this world of the writer last year soon after I started my own Writer’s Circle and then joined RWA. I didn’t do it last year because I was almost finished with my first novel.  I am now on the revision stage of that novel and have gotten stuck. So, I set it to the side for the meantime.  I started plotting and planning another idea in preparation for NaNoWriMo.

Then it hit me…how am I going to find the time to write when I can barely find time to plot out my book? I know I’m going to be way too busy to write a lot next month. 😦  I’m thinking about attempting to do it and if I don’t finish then it’s no big deal…right?

I don’t know. At least my husband and I haven’t conceived yet. Eek!




A Baby Changes Everything!

pregnant-woman-silhouette-cartoonMy husband surprised me yesterday. He thinks we should start trying to have a baby.


Now? OMG. I really thought he had decided he didn’t want children, so I was resigned to that fact.

He asked me later how I was doing. I told him the truth…I’m freaking out!

I want children…I do. But children changes everything! Our life would never be the same. I would have to devote my time to the baby.

I’d have to juggle time to cleaning and taking care of them baby, instead of worrying about work, the service club, my writing, my writers groups, and just finding the time to read a good book once in a while.

Plus I’m so scared about my health.

I’d have to stop my lithium. Last time we tried, I changed my meds to lamictol before we conceived. Six months with no luck in getting pregnant, but I won a trip to the psychiatric hospital instead. I was psychotic, believing that I needed to die to save those with  bipolar disorder by donating my body to scientists. The thought of lasting nine months without lithium scares the shit out of me…WTF will I do if I go psychotic while pregnant?

I’d have to get my psychiatrist on board with this…pretty sure she’s going to freak out.

I need to find a OBGYN.

Holy Shit! I’m already freaking out and he just told me his plans yesterday!

PLUS…I’m not the only one that will have to change. Does he not realize that he needs to actually be intimate with me to achieve a baby?

His constant attachment to video games when he’s not at work will have to change. Does he know that?

Having a baby would be a blessing. To have a little one love me with all his or her heart brings tears to my eyes. I just worry about what the cost might be. I don’t want to even think of my child growing up and going through the fear and torment I went through when I learned I was bipolar with psychotic tendencies.

You can’t predict the future, you can only learn from the past, but figuring out what to do in the present… scares me.