No Concept

DSCN3930Well, my psychiatrist freaked out about my inability to sleep through the night because of potty time and my irritability. I was so shocked by her complete lack of calm that I knew I couldn’t tell her that my husband and I want to start trying to have a baby. I think she would have dropped with a heart attack if I added that to my list of issues. She started spatting off different drugs and couldn’t think of one for bipolar mania that was better than lithium and that wouldn’t make me gain weight. She was freaking out about that too. She asked me if I was at least dieting and exercising. Was I at least trying?

I flat out told her no. Yes, I’m fucking huge. I recognize that, but I just don’t connect with the need to change my whole existence to lose weight.

She looked like she wanted to scream when I told her that.

So, because she looked like she was going to blow, I told her that if we lower my lithium dose right now and see how I handle that, then we can consider changing my meds. She calmed down and I left. In and out in 10 minutes. Holy crap.

If I’m manic right now, then she seriously needs to take a chill pill herself.

When this all came down, I was slightly manic that day though. I had spent my day gaining access to my childhood home that I lived in for 23 years because the tenants supposedly abandoned the place without telling us. I found holes in the walls, busted doors and windows, trash scattered, and dog feces and urine everywhere. I learned that four dogs were left in the house for four weeks without being allowed outside. Let’s just say that I was very happy I didn’t eat that day.

Still dealing with the drama of that mess. Yuck! I’m not happy. I’m allergic to dogs, so I don’t care for them much even though I think they are so cute, but the cruelty of locking up four dogs in a house for that long astounds me. People are sick!

Seeing the place I grew up in be destroyed like that really affected me. It took me six days to calm down enough to sleep without waking from nightmares of what I saw and thinking about what I should do.

It’s amazing how people can lie and manipulate to get what they want, but have no concept of how they hurt and damage other people with their actions in the process.


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