I guess today marks my 5 year anniversary of blogging. I started this blog when I was manic, coming down from a mild episode of psychosis. Yeah, okay…how can psychosis be “mild.” I guess I call it mild because I recognized the signs right away and had my husband take me to the hospital before I lost complete control. However, I did lose control in the controlled environment, so it didn’t get too bad. I remember thinking that I needed to turn myself into “scientists” so they could study me then kill me for the sake of research. I had it in my mind that I needed to die to save people with bipolar disorder from suffering anymore.
Yeah, that’s me. The sacrificial lamb. Looking back on it, I see I was crazy to think that my life could make any dent in the stigma that plagues bipolar people. Even coming down from that extreme high, I felt like I had to make a difference somehow. I started this blog thinking that I would have a million hits by the end of the month and people will finally realize that bipolar people may be unique, but pretty cool to get to know. People would see that there are so many of us out there and that those without bipolar disorder could see that we are people. That we want the same things they do. However, so many of us with bipolar disorder still think we have to hide. That we have to be ashamed.
It’s so sad.
It’s sad that no one thinks to care until someone dies. Then we are remembered in a negative light. 😦 No one praises our abilities or even those that have the disorder and are making a difference. It’s enough to make me want to cry.