My Rocky Path

light at end of tunnelLife is often times filled with the unexpected and sometimes it is filled with complacency. I just read a post from a friend and I felt my heart go out to her during her hard time of loneliness. I wish I could help her in some way, but how? I have no words of wisdom, but I do want her to know that I’m here for her if she needs someone. She doesn’t have to be alone.

Why does life have to be so complicated? Recently, another friend of mine from high school lost her father unexpectedly. His death reminded me that my father does not have long for this world. I dread the moment when he is no longer … I can’t even type the words. Tears are flowing just at the thought. My life and the life of my family revolves around my father. He created the company that we all work for and I fear that the company will go with him when…

I’m lucky to have my husband and the love and support of his family, but that could be taken away from me too. What would I do?

I’ve often heard people say things like…”Life doesn’t have a remote control, get up and change it yourself.” Well, how do you change a life that is dictated by everyone else around you? My father, my husband, my siblings…what would I do without them? Right now, I’m just living in complacency. Waiting for the shoe to drop, but not doing anything to prepare myself for that day. The day when I will have to make a choice…follow my dream or pick up the reigns my father left behind. Can I turn my back on my family? Can I be strong and change this path by following my dream now? I know I will have the support of my husband. He is the light at the end of the tunnel. I just don’t know if I can create that rocky path through the unknown just yet.

Most importantly, can I deal with the pain and emotional trauma my father’s death will put on me? Will my bipolar disorder envelop me once again and send me on an extreme psychotic episode or lead me to suicide? I can’t let myself be blindsided. I have to prepare myself as much as I can.  How? How the hell do I do that? Heaven help me!

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