About Me

imageSince I am a twin, life for me always has a duality. During my childhood, the fact my moods also experienced major duality differences never phased me. However, being diagnosed as having Bipolar I Disorder with psychotic tendencies in 1999 told me my life was all of a sudden NOT “normal.” I began to believe that everything that made me who I am was NOT “normal,” so therefore, wrong. I changed my dreams of becoming a famous New York Times best-selling novelist to the life of a “normal,” “stable” high school English Teacher.

 I was miserable and ashamed of being me. I kept my disorder a secret from everyone who wasn’t in my close circle of family and friends for fear of the very possible repercussions of the school administration and/or parents of my students finding out I was NOT “normal.” I feared I would be labeled a continuous threat to the students who I dedicated all of my time to.

 As a new English teacher, I was spending 60-80 hours a week preparing lesson plans, researching new information and techniques for various unit plans, and grading major papers and smaller assignments to name a few of the things I was busy doing.

When I ended up meeting the love of my life the summer before my third year of teaching, I learned keeping my bipolar disorder a secret was a major reason why I was feeling so miserable. I realized I changed everything about me as soon as I learned I was bipolar. I believed that I no longer had a voice because I had no right to complain since people could tell me “I was not in my right mind.”

Because of my new sense of self due to the fact that my new boyfriend’s ambitious and strong personality was so addictive, my third year of teaching proved to be difficult when a new administration came to power. That was my last year of teaching.

My fiancé and I moved, built our new home together, and were married in 2007. As a married woman, I was happy, but I worried when my psychiatrist at the time told me I had a “D” level of knowledge when it came to bipolar disorder. What?! For a woman who has dedicated her life to researching and learning all she could about various topics, how could she not know about something so important to her life?

So, I began my research. I started writing journal entries, so at least my children would have an understanding, but now after my third hospitalization I want everyone to know more about bipolar disorder.

*****

Update May 6, 2014: I started writing a novel in February of 2013. I’m almost “done” with the second draft. I plan to publish it. I’m so excited about the novel. I adopted many aspects of my life to the plot. It’s fiction, but many things ring true. It’s a New Adult Thriller with Romantic Elements. Keep your eyes open to updates on the book’s status.

 

20 thoughts on “About Me

  1. watercoolerstories October 13, 2009 / 1:31 PM

    It’s awesome that you found the love of your life, and I assume he is supportive of all that you’ve been through and go through.

    I look forward to reading your blog. Visit mine anytime.

    • mydualities October 13, 2009 / 3:13 PM

      Yes, he is very supportive. He understands me more than my own twin sister. 🙂

  2. Mandy October 14, 2009 / 3:14 PM

    Thanks for sharing your story. Bipolar is such a loaded label that it is tough to maintain your own identity.

    You’ve done a great job on your blog and I will be back to read more. I’m honored that you want to link mine. Thanks. If you don’t mind, I’ll be linking yours as well.

    – Mandy
    bipolarproject.wordpress.com

  3. Dr Sharon Kelly October 20, 2009 / 9:14 PM

    I am so excited to see this trend toward healthy awareness and understanding of bipolar disorder. I am seeing a fabulous trend in my psychology practice that is a shift from individuals wanting “treatment” to instead wanting to have the healthiest, most fulfilling lives possible while managing their illness. Also seeing clients invite partners, loved ones, etc. to their sessions to help those closest to them understand the challenges and great opportunities that exist for healthy lives.

    One of my favorite experience was being invited by parents of a very large, hurt, sometimes angry or skeptical family into their crowded dining room to drill me with questions about bipolar in an overall attempt to understand what one of their siblings was going through. Hugely transformative for the family and beautiful to observe. When bipolar is not understood, it can be destructive to many beyond just the individual diagnosis. With understanding and awareness, it can instead be healing and transformative for all involved.

    Good luck with the new website. I’m excited about it. Sharon Kelly

  4. Mary Watcerson November 20, 2010 / 12:43 PM

    Wow, certainly nice topic. How will I find that RSS?

    Mary Watcerson
    spy source

    • mydualities November 20, 2010 / 2:13 PM

      Hi Mary,
      I don’t know really, but thanks for reading.
      Dual

    • mydualities November 20, 2010 / 11:35 PM

      I changed the appearance, so now it’s easier to find it. Thanks for the FYI!

  5. Stephanie November 21, 2010 / 9:51 AM

    Duals

    I think it is great that you became inspired to blog and devote your time to researching this disorder, not only for yourself, but for others as well. 🙂 I think at some point in a persons life, they get sick and tired of being sick and tired of having this disease and finally put their foot down and starting trying to do/learn all they can in order to feel some sense of hope. I am right there with you, and I too am trying to do the same thing. Good post, and great site girl! 🙂

    • mydualities November 21, 2010 / 10:33 AM

      Thank you so much for the “wow”s. You’re great. Thanks for the FYI with the tags. I’ll try that. I agree that there is a point when you need to do some personal research on your disorder. It does help you gain more hope for the future. It also let me realize that I wasn’t alone and in a way I was lucky to be able to do the things I have done in my life so far. Researching also gave me the knowledge to properly diagnose my sister with bipolar disorder a year before her psychiatrist. Of course, they didn’t believe me and refused to change her meds for a treatment resistant depressive, but when she became psychotic suddenly, I was able to jump in and get her the treatment she needed right away. Sometime I think I should be a psychiatirst, but that much school…no way!

      • Stephanie November 21, 2010 / 10:38 AM

        Duals

        You sister is/was very lucky to have you. So many people never get the right help or any help at all. She is very lucky that she has/had you. Yes, it is very good to know you are not alone. I finally feel like I have someone who truly understands how I feel and that I can talk to. And funny, but I thought about becoming one of those too, but yea… like you said, thats a lot of school! Glad you liked my funny post last night, lol, it truly was a day of craziness. 🙂

      • mydualities November 21, 2010 / 11:10 AM

        Thanks! 🙂 It means a lot to me to hear you say that. My sister is doing a lot better now, even though she is on 5 different meds. She has been suffering so long that now that she is stabilizing she can’t believe it took over ten years for them to diagnose her with bipolar disorder when I was diagnosed right away. It’s a shame that most people don’t get properly diagnosed with bipolar disorder until they do have a psychotic break. Why do we have to slam people with Captain Obvious to get the help we need?

  6. Victor J Kennedy December 14, 2010 / 6:37 AM

    You have nothing to fear because you are already on a path to greater understanding. We do not worry over conditions, once we have reached a decision to follow a definite line of action. Your blog is proof you’ve taken that step.

    With lots of positive energy and my best regards,

    Victor

    • mydualities December 18, 2010 / 9:14 AM

      Thank you for your words of wisdom. I really appreciate them. Congratulations on you book! Do you mind if I ask you some questions?
      Duals

  7. NotNormal December 16, 2010 / 1:32 AM

    Duals… contact me… I admire what you are trying to do … I’ve thought myself about writing a book so many times, but sadly my best creations are in my most desperate times!

    I read you are concerned you are not getting enough exposure … You are not doing anything wrong at all … Getting noticed is all tactics and method. You are well on the way, just being creative!

    I am an IT student.. my husband too, is self employed! He suddenly lost his job in this economic mess last year. I designed his website and do his marketing as best I can. It is tough out there in there!

    If I can help you, I will.

  8. Meredith February 8, 2011 / 3:12 PM

    How are you Duals? Haven’t heard from you in a while. I hope you are managing. Let me know if I can listen.

    • mydualities February 8, 2011 / 3:28 PM

      🙂 Thanks Meredith. It is nice to see a comment on here when you least expect it. I am doing well actually. I’ll try to write an update on here. Thanks for asking.
      Duals

  9. libby May 14, 2014 / 2:00 PM

    I was so glad to read your blogs, I have been suffering all my life from mental illness and I relate to so much you talk about. Especially, the baby concept. Thank-you! You made me feel less “crazy.” I wish you all the best! THANK-YOU!

    • mydualities May 14, 2014 / 2:22 PM

      Hi Libby!
      Thank you for reading my blog. It is nice to know that we are not alone. It warms my heart to know that people are out there that “get” me. Best Wishes to you too!!!
      Duals

    • mydualities June 11, 2014 / 9:07 AM

      Thanks H&J!
      I won’t give up. Thanks for the encouragement!
      Duals

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