Inner Turmoil

robin_williams_01News of Robin Williams’ death made my heart plummet and my eyes well up with tears. Learning he may have committed suicide brought thoughts of hopelessness to my already raging depression.

I remember once discovering that Robin Williams may have had bipolar disorder and not just depression, but now I can’t find any proof of that. He never openly admitted to having bipolar disorder. Bipolar or not, it shouldn’t matter. He was an exceptional man. Unfortunately, his inner turmoil overwhelmed him for whatever reason.

Williams’ death will hopefully help others realize that they should get help for their depression, instead of trying to deal with it on their own.

Deepest Sympathy to Robin Williams’ family and his friends. The legend will be missed.


Let’s Get Ready to Rumble!

Woman_Pulling_Hair_outOkay. That’s it! I’m about ready to kick someone’s ass to Jupiter! I have had enough. I VOLUNTEER for a service organization and I do A LOT when I can. I’m not perfect. I have my limitations. I do not want to be told my inadequacies and then submit it to 40 other people so they can tell me how much I suck at making changes to the website. I do not want to be treated like a little girl who doesn’t know what she’s doing.

Oh! I just want to rant and rave about the audacity of some people.

I said yesterday I was on the brink. Well, now I’m beyond the edge. My bipolar disorder is throwing me back and forth from terribly upset to fuming angry. Grr! Like I didn’t have enough shit to do. Now I have to worry about a website that everyone has just ignored for the past 2 years. I have another job to do for this organization that takes way too much time that I’ve been more concerned with lately.

We all meet Saturday. I hope my irritation with this person settles by then or I might say something that I will regret. Or I’ll burst into tears when confronted and then tell everyone to go fuck themselves. Either way, Saturday is going to be interesting.

More than I Can Chew

Bite-off-moreI think I bit off more than I can chew…I love that cliche. 🙂 But it is so accurate right now. I have too much to do this week with my service organization, my writing group, my book club, the county fair, and work. Plus a family member is having surgery today. I hope all goes well. Well, book club I decided to cancel because I just couldn’t get into the book and I still had about six hours left of the book on the same day we were suppose to meet. The pressure made me decide not to go.

If anything else happens this week, I might fall off the cliff. I can tell that I’m struggling with depression right now. Thoughts of gloom and doom are biting my heels. I feel like giving up on everything…and all I want to do is SLEEP! Oh, to feel my sheets and blanket snuggled around me as I close my eyes…

Ugh! I need to stop. I need to get organized and get all the shit I need to do done! But I can’t help worrying about “what if.” Grr! I’m driving myself crazy and no one else needs to help me with it. Please refrain from adding something new to the mix. I really can’t handle anything more this week.