To Lose or Not to Lose: There is No Question

Someone had just recently asked me how my weight loss and exercising plan was coming along. Well, folks…I failed. I have tried to cut my eating to no avail so my doctor just put me on an appetite suppressant after I asked her to. I burst into tears when I asked because of what happened to me when I was on Fen-Phen over twenty years ago. I also went to her for help with my ankles. They won’t let me walk for longer than five minutes and the more I walk the worse it gets. She put me on celebrex for the swelling and I have to wear ankle braces and tennis shoes every day. i did all this just before I went to Las Vegas last week.

However, I was stupid…so stupid. Limo arrives at 4 in the morning on Monday (twenty minutes early) and I completely forget my carry-on bag with all my meds, my tennis shoes, my nook, etc… at home.  An hour later, we realize it when we get the bags out of the trunk at the airport! I was also stupid to listen to my husband when he sad that I can’t go through security with the braces and tennis shoes on, so I wore my slip on shoes that have absolutely NO support! I’m in PAIN as I walk throughout O’Hare airport to get to our C gate and then back to B gate when it changes forty minutes to boarding. Great! Already such a great trip.

Let’s just say that walking on Monday left me in so much pain and plenty of tears when the charlie horses hit. We also spent two hours in Walgreens in Vegas waiting for my Abilify because I needed the 10mg tablets not the 5mg tablets which they were out of. Thank goodness my husband stayed with me because another person there at Walgreens reminded me the importance of staying on my medication. He was having full conversations with himself for a whole hour. I worried when he would get angry, but his other voice calmed him down easily. I wasn’t really worried about myself though from what he would do. I worried more about me doing something to try to help him and meddling where I don’t belong. What could I have done anyway?

After Walgreens, I bought some tennis shoes to wear for the week and some other things that I left at home too. Throughout the week, my ankles remained soar and stiff and still screaming in pain when I walked longer than 5 minutes. And in Vegas…that was so so so easy to do. I did have my braces (packed in my suitcase) but they only helped so much. Vegas helped me realize that I have reached that critical state where the pain of being so overweight is not helping my ankles any. My weight is not the root cause, but it is a very big contributing factor. I KNOW THIS! All I can do is bike or swim as a source of exercise though because i can’t walk long enough to reach the exercise level.

So, with that in mind…I just have to do it! Yep… I have no excuse because I have an exercise bike at home. It’s sitting in my living room…very accessible for me. I also have to help myself not eat too much which the pills do help when I did take them before Vegas. I couldn’t get a refill on them because of insurance since I just got them, so I can’t tell you if I’ve lost anything in the past week and a half. I probably didn’t.

Well, I just gave you the dirt on the bad aspect of my trip, but Vegas wasn’t all bad. I won $400 on Let it Ride by getting a full house. Oh, did I tell you I love to gamble? My husband and I went to Zumanity…that was awesome! I went to a comedy club and the comedians were very funny. I saw “Red Riding Hood” in the theaters…it was good, but it at least kept me from gambling for two hours. Um, that’s about it. Hmmm. That doesn’t sound that great after telling you about how much pain I was in!

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No Psycho Adventures

I’m back! I got home from Vegas late last night and now I feel like I’m recoperating from a major hangover. I didn’t even drink …that much.

Well, my mood is pretty stable. No psycho adventures for me to report while I was in Vegas. Sorry… I know right. Totally a bummer. I chickened out and didn’t go see Lady Gaga in concert. I know. I should have gone solo, but who wants to go and be alone? That would suck too. U know? I think I would feel like the girl that invited a ton of friends to her birthday party and no body showed up. Lame. But it has happened to me before. I even have a twin and she shut me out because no one of my friends showed up. Totally mean. My twin was harsh to me at times. She’s doesn’t even regret it now. Figures. As long as I’m there for her, she doesn’t have to be here for me. We did go see Zumanity at New York, New York….LOVED IT! Totally HOT! Sexy, sensual, beautiful…loved it!

Well, I took today off of work, but I’m going to face the mother load tomorrow. Having a week off was heaven, but now I’ll have to dive into a pile of shit tomorrow. YUCK!   I don’t mean literally! Jeez, people.

Well, sorry to make this short. I have no idea what else to talk about at this point. I’m fine…pretty boring actually, so that means my life is “normal.” Ha, ha, ha! How normal can life really be when you’re bipolar?

Don’t Bail On Me!

Guess what! I’m totally psyched! I’m freakin’ happy as all hell right now…totally been hypomanic to manic this past week! Do you remember my last post I said I was worried because work was so slow…NOT ANY MORE! YES! Some how God heard our prayers because our sales look good right now…could be better, but I’m so happy to know that we are back.

I’ve been working ten hour days to get shit done, so I’m on full energy overload. I can’t stay asleep for very long, so I’m worried about that. I haven’t seen my therapist in 3 weeks…not a good time to vacation. 😦  I see her this Thursday before I go to Vegas with hubby for his work. Totally psyched about that because I love it there…mainly because I also love to gamble. My bad.

Jeez…I totally love Rihanna’s new song “S&M” …(listening to it right now) he, he, he. I also can’t get enough of Christina Perri’s “Jar of Hearts”. They are totally different but totally cool.

So how is everyone been doing? It’s hard for me right now to keep up with everyone’s blogs. I’m so sorry! I love you guys! Don’t bail on me.

Recap: Work…good. Book…

Oh, I didn’t tell you about that. Rough draft is more than 1/2 way done. 140 pages so far double space, 1 inch margins…what constitutes as too long? I still have so much to write ahead of me. All in my head…just got to put it down. My mom actually read my first two chapters and she loves it. She’s looking forward to reading more. Hmmm. Maybe I am a good writer after all. I’m very psyched about this too because my mom can’t lie very well, so I know she really did like it. 🙂

Oh, I bought the movie Due Date today. Saw it in the theaters and LOVED IT. FREAKIN’ HILARIOUS!! Robert Downey Jr. is my hero! (Oh, heard he is bipolar too, but don’t quote me on that. Can’t trust everything you read on the internet! ROFL! LMAO! I crack myself up sometimes.)

Okay…I hope you got why that was so funny…your reading this on the internet…get it! But no joke. I did read that he is bipolar. Wouldn’t that be so cool to meet Robert Downey Jr. or at least talk to him on the phone… or even an email!! Hint: If you are reading this, Bobby, send me a “what’s up?!”

Wishful Thinking…

Probably should go to bed now. Well, try. 🙂 Thanks for reading this long update. It’s been a while…hope you’re all still out there.

Love Ya!

Duals