I’ve been really bummed about the future lately. Yes, I was one of those that voted for Mitt Romney. I have many reasons why I’d like to see REAL change in the White House. I have heard stories about what may happen and I’ve done my own research and I’m not liking any of it one bit. I’m genuinely scared. I guess if what they say about the Mayan Calendar turns out to be true, I shouldn’t have to worry anymore. We will all be dead.
I’ve been trying to come up with some positives about my future, but none is forthcoming. I’ve been thrown in charge of the family business while my parents enjoy an extended vacation in Florida. Running a business without them…really sucks.
As for my marriage…(some of you may be reading earlier posts, so you might be curious), it has not changed. Not even a little.
Weight…I’m afraid to step on a scale because if anything, I’ve been gaining. I think I’ve decided that exploding may be less painful than exercising. LMFAO!
I’d say I’m stable, but that would be a BIG lie. My bipolar emotions are going ballistic. Stating that I’m “emotional” would be an understatement.
Friends…um. I don’t really have any that I see outside of Facebook. 😦
Classes…done…no big deal since they were just for work anyway.
Writing…I would like to take a class to help spark inspiration, but husband and sister say to wait until February or March… 😦
Well, there’s my update. Whoa is me. Life sucks. Now what?
Hello out there! As I think about how my life is right now, I’m feeling a sense of calm. I know I shouldn’t be. A lot of things seem to be coming together for the worse right now, but I’m calm, or maybe I’m just in denial. My bipolar mood swings have not been too bad. I can safely say I’m not manic or depressed, so that is good and I haven’t been in a long time. I haven’t been obsessive, except lately I’m watching too much news and trying to pay attention to the presidential election a bit too much.
I started writing again, but I’m also taking an online course that is making it hard to find time to write while working. Plus, I’m still really active in a service organization.
My marriage is maintaining the status quo. We are great roommates… 🙂 . Work is what I’m really worried about…we will see.
I hope all of you are doing well. I wish all the happiness in the world to everyone.
I also want to encourage people to go out and vote, no matter who you choose. I’m surprised I’m not going to get too political here, but I think it is important for you to decide on your own and not let the media or others choose for you.
Thanks! Rock the Vote!
Okay, so I told you in my last post that I’m reading Hilary Smith’s “Welcome to the Jungle: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Bipolar but were too Freaked Out to Ask.” Well, I have to explain why I find her hilarious…she tells it like it is!
I’ve read MANY books on bipolar disorder, but her book reads like she is literally right there with you at the hospital after you just find out your diagnosis. You’re sitting there shell shocked and here comes another bipolar patient letting you know what it is really like, not just what the trained staff tells you. This girl KNOWS, but you also realize she’s about to be discharged because she is well enough to leave the hospital. Damn. Just when you make a new friend…
This part of her book that I totally identified with and thought was hilarious was the section about first being diagnosed in her first chapter.
“Being diagnosed with bipolar disorder is akin to waking up after a wild night of intoxication to discover that at some point during your (fuzzily remembered) antics, you went and got a tattoo on your bicep. Not just any tattoo–you got a big old snake-eating-a-unicorn tattoo. That sucker’s six inches high and three across. It’s kind of badass, kind of hideous. You stare at it in shock. You vaguely remember going to the tattoo parlor, but why?! You frantically think back to the chain of events that might have led up to you getting a tattoo of a snake eating a unicorn. You feel guilt, anger, embarrassment, denial, nausea–the whole ride. Eventually you realize you’re going to have to live with this thing for the rest of your life, and from here on, your attitude towards your new tat is entirely up to you.”
Beautiful imagery! She nailed it! I just had to share it with you because I guess I’m the type to overidentify with my bipolar disorder. I’m proud of my snake-eating-a-unicorn tattoo…now. I use to be totally ashamed of it. I still am in certain company, so I wear long sleeves when around them. The stigma is there, but eventually I’m going to wear a tank top around them (figuratively speaking)…it will just take time.
So, what do you think? How do you feel about your tattoo? ...COMMENT!…
There. That’s more me. I changed the appearance of this blog.
I’m doing something different tonight. I’m free writing and typing away directly onto wordpress. I usually write my blogs out long hand first, then type it onto word, then after many revisions, copy it on a post, but that takes too long. I’m finally really tired, but I want to say hi to everyone that might follow me. I haven’t written in a while. I’ve been really busy. I’m not depressed, but I teeter from stable to hypomanic lately. Tonight, I’m suffering from the affects of a Monster I drank this morning, so that is why I’m still up at 1am. I know I should not drink Monster, but I crave the taste of it. 🙂
Lately, I’ve been thinking more about bipolar disorder, myself, and the world. It’s probably because I’m reading a new book about bipolar disorder that I find interesting, hilarious and …can you believe it….a page turner. Hilary Smith’s “Welcome to the Jungle” is great. If you’re bipolar, you should read it…wait, maybe I should finish it first before I say anything. I’m only on Chapter 4, so don’t crucify me if you start it and then think I’m “crazy” for liking it. LOL…I used the word “crazy”.
Okay, so maybe I’m not okay. I better go to bed before I’m too wound up to go to sleep. Please comment. I love to hear what people think about everything.
Does that really matter? Who can really answer that? The question is too broad. Maybe…what is it like for you to being bipolar? Again. Not good enough.
“Bipolar” is a label. Just a label to explain a group of people who experience mood fluctuations. How we handle them and the intensity of them are completely unique to each individual. I can tell you about “what it is like to be bipolar,” but another person with that same label will have something completely different to tell you about “being bipolar.”
This blog is my way of learning what it is like for me to be bipolar. I need to separate my disorder from my other various attributes instead of categorizing many of my actions and feels as my bipolar impulses.
I’ve been seeing a therapist now since my last psychotic episode in August. She helps me immensely with realizing the difference between being bipolar and being me.
One characteristic she finds very interesting about me is my extreme level of empathy for those around me. A strong level of empathy was something I attributed to all bipolar people. I’m learning that empathy is actually a rare trait that isn’t seen very often, but why is that?
She also says I’m very insightful about myself. Okay, great. Now what?
My fear of failure and my perfectionist personality is something my therapist sees a lot in people who are bipolar. So, I won the lottery with gaining those wonderful attributes.
Have I learned anything else? Yes…that I have so much more to learn. I feel like I’ve only seen the tip of the iceberg.